Here I am… I am going to be playing the BACK 9 for the duration… and I want to play it well and INjoy.
see you soon.. with CUBICLEGIRLPLAYS THE BACK 9!!
Here I am… I am going to be playing the BACK 9 for the duration… and I want to play it well and INjoy.
see you soon.. with CUBICLEGIRLPLAYS THE BACK 9!!
LIKING ONE”S SELF!!!! … seems as though that might be a key to the puzzle here…
There is one voice that can ruin my day anytime it activates in a critical fashion… it is my own !! Actually it doesn’t even have to be talking to be heard by me.. it can speak on a cellular level also…and I get a visceral hit of disdain, or a something is “wrong with me”.- kind of feeling… also very prevalent, is that there is something MISSING….. (here it is important to explain,,, that I am not sure what exactly IS missing… just sure that there is an ingredient that is necessary and is missing in action somewhere- ) and that creates it’s own sad, wordless story.- hanging like a cloud full of negative energy!
I don’t profess to really know why this IS… but it IS- at least, in my existence…. I believe it is learned, practiced and mastered! Being the smart, probably precocious and obviously adorable young girl that I was. I took up the language of “improvement here please ! “and not good enough…pretty early in my life … in this body..as this Ellen. Satisfaction became something in the Future-
I think this is a large part of the malaise we suffer here,,, the Never good enough- always can be better- “toby got straight A’s- shit…. it is bad enough when we live with it as children… but when we take it on and that white negative noise becomes the background music to our lives…… ohoh … not funderful not enjoyable… and so on…………..
I want to be funny– honest- kind- generous– authentic and entertaining , considerate (working on my patience) – OPEN MINDED and OPEN HEARTED!!
Back to the original thought…. Be who you like… and learn to be satisfied….I actually say to myself ( sometimes) “You are Fmazing!” when I do something that I like… and I am predisposed at this point to want to do likables as I have become quite conscious of Time and the value of it.. above all else… I want to INJOY my time on this planet in this body..
I AM A STONER–
There- saying it..
I medicate with Cannabis…. I have been puffing and chewing for almost 4 years now. I see a difference …. I declare –POT is a HEART and MIND OPENING experience…
I smoked it a few times while I was in my 20’s.. the paranoia was unbearable- so was my own regular thinking…..as I remember… i recall sitting in a group and really not knowing if I was talking or just thinking that i was talking…. very uncomfortable… and that sort of encompasses me in the then. circa 1960’s.- always looking outward- getting my life from your opinion…. hey …. that is how I thought it worked. It – being the world as I understood it…if you like me… then I was likable… if you didn’t- well then it was probably something I did… (everything was outside of myself) EXHAUSTING paradigm to inhabit.
Thriving doesn’t have room for that feeling- thriving is energetically living- i believe it is the natural state of life…and its direction is positive.. and best of all THRIVING feels good. Thriving is filled with JOY.. one cant purchase this feeling for any extended time… can one?
I don’t feel that I get this because of cannabis- I believe that weed accentuates what is there… I do a lot of work every day to put positivity into my mind… I listen to WISDOM.. for me it takes much effort- but the effort is so worth it.. because I have a low tolerance for misery..
Prescription pills mask a lot- but left me as empty as before when they wear off…OPEN MINDED? OPEN HEARTED!? an essential for the thrive/fow I crave.
Ellen, Cubiclegirl70, ThisBabyknows, LivetheFow, Swamicatananda
Vrugal is the next step above frugal….. with frugal – one is always thinking about whether one can or one cannot buy- purchase-go-eat etc..so many categories to think of ..mathematical minds etc.
Vrugality – in my experience strips me of even thinking about NEW- eating out- going to- almost everything… and the fmazing part of this – is the bright side! The very blinding bright side of Frugality is freedom….
In so many ways freedom – just think of every time I do not have to second guess my purchases… FOW.. and that is only the start.
oh my goshhhhhh…. what do people who don’t listen to the news think about????
I am listening to the description of people FIGHTING and HATING each other about a flag??? really? really? on tv BTW- University of Virginia…
No- not really-
this is about misery – not ideology…. this is about minds that do not support our ownselves- I mean, who in their right mind wants to march with machetes? a right mind craves enjoyment ( it would seem to me)- not chaos and confusion that lead to unhappiness and contrition- wake up in the morning to that…. ickkk!
I know that rush of righteous anger shit….. let’s label that INSANE.
Conscious minds wouldn’t choose the thought that produces that feeling that FLuks you up right away.. right away in the moment- and destroys all Joy and fun.. draining positive energy… ick like a gut punch ..we have been there and done that I am sure….Life loses some shine …friendships suffer and remorse takes up fresidence for a long time.
We have the ability to be alive in our bodies (b-hicles) as we choose- that is, if we were choosing….and I grant you it takes some pretty keen , on point awareness, mixed with some useful tools and tricks also known as MINDfulness…and mindfulness changes the paradigm immediately if not sooner. fafafafa – important NINfo- in the moment everything happens and changes and happens- just like an APP- we can improve… ASAP lets not waste our precious moments anymore being ferks. We really don’t have moments to spare ….
FOR EXAMPLE- if my hand starts waving nonstop- i stop it… it is my hand… so when my mind starts doing the directing of my thoughts- i stop that too. It is my mind and I am using it during the duration.- i wish i knew this earlier in my life- ” regrets….. I have a few. but then again…..”
The question is ARE YOU YOUR MIND? OR DO YOU HAVE A MIND?- and that conversation can only get better and more thrilling- like ” wow” this is me” I am an energy and I am in this body- that is Fmazing – just by itself…I am alive!! I am a human with many different support systems built in to my system… and my teacher, GURUMAYI of SiddhaYoga told me that the purpose of this life was to INJOY it.
or flaugh– which is fukin laugh- it is like old bathroom talk when we were young – and just a reference to being able to say fuk many ,many times a day- puts a big file on my face.
now that might not mean much to you- but i think it is VILarious which is very hilarious of course- and so…. each time I say a flanguage word – giggles occur- and i love the sound of giggles- everyones and of course my own.
here are a list of words that work very well-
flier- fukin liar
flove you fuking love u
fafafa self explanatory
and so on oops i love Fidiot
it is Vimportant (very important) that one does not use any tone with Language- because that would dilute the pleasure- (fleasure) and then the point of humor would dissolve into the same frap that anger produces…Flanguage ‘s intention is not to rile anyone- but rather to point out the fabsurdity and uselessness of attack.
One of my favorite foments in a day is when I am patting myself on the right shoulder and saying “you are a Fmazing human”!
. I am Always so impressed with my APPs abilities to upgrade…. we Humans could really benefit here by just APPing up.. When we get NInfo- ( new information) it is our duty and assignment to digest it – put it right into the system and see what comes out!! It is impossible to be the same as we were before the download… right? of course! My WAZE or FB or Offerup or anything- just reboots- better than evaH… no resistance, no holding on to its history!!!
To me that is just so exciting- and encouraging! NInfo equals new- Info – and that totally demands our presence in the moment so we can take advantage of both the moment and the Info which really blend into one another ….and puffs out comes an upgraded Human mind…remarkable in its Newness.- and this is the benefit of staying in the moment…. the ability to create ones self! What in the Universe could be more FUNderful than this
Young and Old are inevitable– Newness is the way to stay vibrant and relevant while we are in our BEhicles-( bodies)- and as I am looking in the mirror I am OLDish, in the not Youngish conversation… and that is Fmazing- because I still feel so startled -when I see myself in the mirror- I know we all feel like that- because what is inside isn’t really aging- it is being…vibrantly.as the outside starts to die– I suppose I will experience a whole new paradigm- as every living …..does. I believe it is our culture that has it wrong…asking us what we want to do???? not how we want to be? Being creates the moment and the moment is our life.
it is inevitable that our Vehicles will age- birth to the end- we grow and change and actually are very new all of the time. 1 moment and go until it gets to its end… old- but can you imagine being the same forever????- baby to Elder – we get the full ride as a human- we change every day and yet we cling to our past thoughts- and they rob the present of possibilities. Every day I run into my old patterns of thinking- we all do ( betcha) ..I call them old Operating systems – that I invented when they seemed appropriate- ie, the first time I felt LOST- I was probably very young and lost- it was scary I am sure… the VILarious side is that I can feel that panic even now- with keys to my car in my hand- with the ability to call for help and a credit card– I still go from zero to freak, skipping all other levels of alarm!- Personally, it is then that I bring myself back to the moment-( i have learned to do that in a kind and friendly, humorous way- ) A very, very, very IMPORTANT step in AMing. – and we all know by now AMing is creating oneself… in the space that one is- – or commonly called NOW.
Presence may not be so easy to accomplish- that is for suah! However to continue in a reactive state, invariably swinging around with the wind- is much harder…
APP up- this is the time for us! WOWing! which by the way or BTW is now FOWing !
during the day I love to burst out laughing.. while I am remembring something very, very funny- And that qualifies as a RElaff- what is more fun than suddenly bursting out in a giggle cuz you remember something that tickles your fancy… I totally love it… if it happens 3x a day i think I really hit a homerun……while you are in the purpose of enjoying your life– RElaffs carry a lot of great weight!!!!
so far for me Gool ,,is
the perfection- it is the buck stops here , kinda place – happy is achieved- it disallows the possibility of happier- and it is not buggered in any way by the mind- my mind in this case- your mind in your cases— AND the fact that no other person really will ever know your state- so GOOL is personal. we are the definers of our own Gool.- that is the cosmic joke– how personal this existence truly is. No matter if we think other people are involved or not.- what seems to be … just seems to be ,,, think a bit differently about it and it dissolves… away to exactly the place it originated in… the ether? the whatever? the atmosphere? call it what you will… it isn’t even there.
sooooo-any time that one wastes-thinking about what someone else is thinking about………. oh my god- you can blow it big time!!!! It representing our existence or our lives in these bodies. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW WHAT ANOTHER THINKS-and that is a rule. Please repeat that and repeat that and repeat….. it is impossible to know or think you know what someone else is thinking…. And worst than that…. it is a complete waste of time to listen to someone who is telling you what they think someone else is thinking….. impossible to follow …. yet we do it and do it… it keeps CNN and Fox news going …. and nothing real is being said…just opinions and what ifs for the most part.
It seems we are given a life span at our birth- us as energy enter the DNA that we are going to wear ( a baby human) and become a Human for the duration of that existence, no matter how long it lasts… ( a short lifetime – or a lengthy time.) one day old or 100 yrs old.
Today I had an aha- to enjoy ones life – one has to enjoy ones own mind!! otherwise… i know you know what i am talking about here… Hell on earth is between our ears and it is available 24/7- if you want it chaos and dissatisfaction,,, there it is on the menu!
(Ninfo- (new info) for you– great!!
it will allay a lot of human pettiness! The not enough
category..- this might take some self reflection and a whole lot of honesty ( self- we have to get really real- not who we think we are.. but who we really are… when we are just with our SELF..
Of course you still have to install this new wisdom into that mushy mind of yours..just delete the ridiculous thoughts of “there is not enough”. Replace that with “there is more than enough pie for everyone!”. This is for this particular category of FEAR and what is wrong with me” kinda thinking that we humans seem to share- it is NORMAL and ORDINARY.
As humans we operate on programs that we make up – that doesn’t make them true or false, or good or bad,,,, we then give them what we call REALITY – and they shape our opinions (sanctimonious or not) and our REACTIONS…. I believe this particular process then shapes us- and steals our presence if we are not on it! – we find ourselves on a rote kind of path- being that person instead of AMing into the person we are/am. lol lol. (AMing is totally being in the present moment, which is of course without all the ways that you used to be,)
The immediate fallout from downloading this new operating system…. which we can label ENOUGH! Enough actually means there is enough for everyone …. so stop thinking that you have to get your seat early, or filling a plate so full, never running your car on empty – cause gas might disappear…. Oh my… I have been there and done that…
It means we can start living with a generous heart that includes other Humans and creatures and other living things… that is a path – if taken will change you in the moment…. It is similar to your APPS. When we download the new and improved app- it changes right away!!! Really can be the same for us- -we delete from our computers in the same way…. they are showing us
Deleting an old operating system.,…
In my personal growth work- ( which is my life), It has taken all this time for me- but a lot of that is due to the conversations that the culture is/was in. I am I have identified outdated rules that I made up throughout the years of living my existence-Opinions, generating actions that i created in a smaller, more vulnerable body- it appears every time I cannot find my car keys- ZERO to Freak— right??? Then I say to me ” oh ellen, you have a telephone, keys and a credit card… calm it down baby” …
But the other day I was incredible… and I installed the best Operating System that I have ever experienced…
There was a snake in my living room, not a large snake, a frightened looking creature that was carted in by one of my Coys (cat boys) as an offering to me – living here as a cat is the most splendid time for them and they show their appreciation by offering up other smaller living or dead creatures-
well I just took care of business and picked up that little snake guy- ME!! so impressive no freaking and no complaining just taking care of myself… I realized that I am the one to look to for myself and that is just great!! Best damn operating system yet!
so …. I do ramble on but the point is we have to expand and grow all of the time… to keep evolving… we are never what we were or static – The Pie being big enough is a big category and a great update. so delete the old OS and install….