THRIVING.. is the feeling… THAT … I chase… I call it The Fow!

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There- saying it..

I medicate with Cannabis…. I have been puffing and chewing for almost 4 years now. I see a difference …. I declare –POT is a HEART and MIND OPENING experience…

Marijuana , micro dosed can expand and open … one’s heart and mind…. it does mine.————-

I smoked it a few times while I was in my 20’s.. the paranoia was unbearable- so was my own regular thinking…  I remember… i recall sitting in a group and really not knowing if I was talking or just thinking that i was talking…. very uncomfortable… and that sort of encompasses me in the then. circa 1960’s.- always looking outward- getting my life from your opinion…. hey …. that is how I thought it worked. It – being the world as I understood it…if you like me… then I was likable… if you didn’t- well then it was probably something I did…  (everything was outside of myself) EXHAUSTING  paradigm to inhabit. 

Thriving doesn’t have room for that feeling- thriving is energetically living- i believe it is the natural state of life…and its direction is positive.. and best of all THRIVING feels good. Thriving is filled with JOY.. one cant purchase this feeling for any extended time… can one?


I don’t feel that I get this because of cannabis- I believe that weed accentuates what is there… I do a lot of work every day to put positivity into my mind… I listen to WISDOM.. for me it takes much effort- but the effort is so worth it.. because I have a low tolerance for misery..

Prescription pills mask a lot- but left me as empty as before when they wear off…OPEN MINDED? OPEN HEARTED!?  an essential for the thrive/fow  I crave.


Ellen, Cubiclegirl70, ThisBabyknows, LivetheFow, Swamicatananda





Be the kind of person that you like……. and then

Being aware ... being awake, being mindful, love and loving, Miscellaneous

LIKING ONE”S SELF!!!! … seems as though that might be a key to the puzzle here…

There is one voice that can ruin my day anytime it activates in a critical fashion… it is my own !! Actually it doesn’t  even have to be talking to be heard by me.. it can speak on a cellular level also…and I get a visceral hit of disdain,  or a something is “wrong with me”.- kind of feeling… also very prevalent, is that there is something MISSING….. (here it is important to explain,,, that I am not sure what exactly IS missing… just sure that there is an ingredient that is necessary and is missing in action somewhere- ) and that creates it’s own sad, wordless story.- hanging like a cloud full of negative energy!

icky ick

I don’t profess to really know why this IS… but it IS- at least, in my existence…. I believe it is learned, practiced and mastered!  Being the smart, probably precocious  and obviously adorable young girl that I was. I  took up the language of “improvement here please ! “and not good enough…pretty early in my life … in this this Ellen. Satisfaction became something in the Future-

I think this is a large part of the malaise we suffer here,,, the Never good enough- always can be better- “toby got straight A’s- shit…. it is bad enough when we live with it as children… but when we take it on and  that  white negative noise becomes the background music to our lives…… ohoh … not funderful not  enjoyable… and so on…………..

I want to be funnyhonest- kind- generousauthentic and entertaining , considerate (working on my patience) – OPEN MINDED and OPEN HEARTED!!

Back to the original thought…. Be who you like… and learn to be satisfied….I actually say to myself ( sometimes) “You are Fmazing!” when I do something that I like… and I am predisposed at this point to want to do likables as I have become quite conscious of Time and the value of it.. above all else… I want to INJOY my time on this planet in this body.. 






VRUGAL – VERY FRUGAL and incredibly freed….

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Vrugal is the next step above frugal….. with frugal – one is always thinking about whether one can or one cannot buy- purchase-go-eat many categories to think of ..mathematical minds etc.

Vrugality – in my experience strips me of even thinking about NEW- eating out- going to- almost everything… and the fmazing part of this – is the bright side! The very blinding bright side of Frugality is freedom….
In so many ways freedom – just think of every time I do not have to second guess my purchases… FOW.. and that is only the start.

FRukin FRazey… out here… parle FLanguage?

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oh my goshhhhhh…. what do people who don’t listen to the news think about????
I am listening to the description of people FIGHTING and HATING each other about a flag??? really? really? on tv BTW- University of Virginia…
No- not really-
this is about misery – not ideology…. this is about minds that do not support our ownselves- I mean,  who in their right mind wants to march with machetes? a right mind craves enjoyment ( it would seem to me)- not chaos and confusion that lead to unhappiness and contrition- wake up in the morning to that…. ickkk!

I know that rush of righteous anger shit….. let’s label that INSANE. 

Conscious minds wouldn’t choose the  thought that produces that feeling that FLuks you up right away.. right away in the moment- and destroys all Joy and fun.. draining  positive energy… ick  like a gut punch ..we have been there and done that I am sure….Life loses some shine …friendships suffer and remorse takes up fresidence for a long time.


We have the ability to be alive in our bodies (b-hicles) as we choose- that is, if we were choosing….and I grant you  it takes some pretty keen , on point awareness, mixed with some useful tools and tricks also known as MINDfulness…and mindfulness changes the paradigm immediately if not sooner. fafafafa – important NINfo- in the moment everything happens and changes and happens- just like an APP- we can improve… ASAP lets not waste our precious moments anymore being ferks. We really don’t have moments to spare ….

FOR EXAMPLE- if my hand starts waving nonstop- i stop it… it is my hand… so when my mind starts doing the directing of my thoughts- i stop that too. It is my mind and I am using it during the duration.- i wish i knew this earlier in my life- ” regrets….. I have a few. but then again…..”

The question is  ARE YOU YOUR MIND? OR DO YOU HAVE A MIND?-  and that conversation can only get better and more thrilling- like ” wow” this is me” I am an energy and I am in this body- that is Fmazing – just by itself…I am alive!! I am a human with many different support systems built in to my system… and my teacher, GURUMAYI of SiddhaYoga told me that the purpose of this life was to INJOY it.

FLANGUAGE is a language!!… and is created to make one laugh…..

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or flaugh– which is fukin laugh- it is like old bathroom talk when we were young – and just a reference to being able to say fuk many ,many times a day- puts a big file on my face.

now that might  not mean much to you- but i think it is VILarious   which is very hilarious of course- and so…. each time I say a flanguage word – giggles occur- and i love the sound of giggles- everyones and of course my own.

here are a list of words that work very well-

flier- fukin liar

flove you fuking love u

fafafa self explanatory

and so on oops i love Fidiot

it is Vimportant (very important) that one does not use any tone with Language- because that would dilute the pleasure- (fleasure) and then the point of humor would dissolve into the same frap that anger produces…Flanguage ‘s intention is not to rile anyone- but rather to point out the fabsurdity and uselessness of attack.

One of my favorite foments in a day is when I am patting myself on the right shoulder and saying “you are a Fmazing human”!

FLoving it!

RElaff …. a new paradigm and very very important …..

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03dcc11df1844373b2b5992218ad5abbduring the day I love to burst out laughing.. while I am remembring something very, very funny- And that qualifies as a RElaff- what is more fun than suddenly bursting out in a giggle cuz you remember something that tickles your fancy… I totally love it… if it happens 3x a day i think I really hit a homerun……while you are in the purpose of enjoying your life– RElaffs carry a lot of great weight!!!!

GOOL – the state and the Ninfo— a must read! lol for serious presencers-a rule

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so far for me Gool ,,is


the perfection-  it is the buck stops here , kinda place – happy is achieved- it disallows the possibility of happier-  and  it is not buggered in any way by the mind- my mind in this case- your mind in your cases— AND the fact that  no other person really will ever know your state- so GOOL is personal. we are the definers of our own  Gool.- that is the cosmic joke– how personal this existence truly is. No matter if we think other people are involved or not.- what seems to be … just seems to be ,,, think a bit differently about it and it dissolves… away to exactly the place it originated in… the ether? the whatever? the atmosphere? call it what you will… it isn’t even there.

sooooo-any time that one wastes-thinking about what someone else is thinking about………. oh my god- you can blow it big time!!!! It representing our  existence or our lives in these bodies. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW WHAT ANOTHER THINKS-and that is a rule. Please repeat that and repeat that and repeat….. it is impossible to know or think you know what someone else is thinking…. And worst than that…. it is a complete waste of time to listen to someone who is telling you what they think someone else is thinking….. impossible to follow …. yet we do it and do it… it keeps CNN and Fox news going …. and nothing real is being said…just opinions and what ifs for the most part.

It seems we are  given a life span at our birth- us as energy  enter the DNA that we are going to wear ( a baby human) and become a Human for the duration of that existence, no matter how long it lasts… ( a short lifetime – or a lengthy time.)  one day old or 100 yrs old.

Today I had an aha- to enjoy ones life – one has to enjoy ones own mind!! otherwise… i know you know what i am talking about here… Hell on earth is between our ears and it is available 24/7- if you want it chaos and dissatisfaction,,, there it is on the menu!

a rule-  NO ONE KNOWS WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS …. AND NEVER WILL ( unless they are told)FullSizeRender copy

NO RESTRAINT… anyone????……we know where that goes……war, divorce, abuse……hilarious?

Being aware ... being awake, being mindful, chaos, love and loving

Yesterday i just couldn’t keep my mouth shut…. i was spewing negativity at my older son– he doesn’t need a critic, he needs a friend. and so do I – I need to be my support system,,,,, patting myself on the back if i need to and oohing and ahhing if i need to….the words and TONE i chose were negative and created negative energy… simply .. that is how it works- (if you work it).!!! a joke…WORDS  have ENERGY (donald)

Anyway, when i say spewing – I mean I was blaming him for something– which i was making up- ( or making a bigger thing out of)  because inside i had feelings of discontent and self judgement sooooooo rather than deal with it- dismiss it and halt the self torment- i tormented someone else!! sounds familiar to most? lovely way to spend time. – makes life really lovely (not)-

Not necessary for a human- it doesn’t have to be our nature- it is our culture-that seems to encourage doing… rather than BEING, I think we should be introduced to being a human– not  the winning- winners – vs losing  and losers kind of garble- that permeates our atmosphere in the western hemisphere. ” over here- over here” where the yanks are cominggggggg. we got lost in history – we are what we are- not what we were…. and that is just perfect. NOW is now… lets be here. ( each of us have our own here)

I am so off the track here- I wanted to praise the tool of restraint in life- it doesn’t seem to come with the package/ recipe/ whatever you want to call us…. humans!– Restraint is a wisdom and a choice…. and such an attractive ingredient to have…. It can be used….and the benefits are instantaneous–However– like any other talent it can be developed if it doesn’t come naturally.- calling names????? reaction I hope – and not a conscious decision… how could anyone choose getting into that kind of dialogue?

Restraint of tongue and pen have been admired for centuries…. now our fingers need restraint also….

no restraint equals no choice!!  reaction equals loss of deciding which way we want to be and which ideas we want to act on…like a sailboat in the wind just being blown around with no direction,,,, we are more than that! we have been given so much- but without restraint…..????


BLAME!!! .. the blamer keeps it going….and ….

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listening to Patricia Smith and her BLAMING in Benghazi!!! wowch!

does that help the hurt??? i think not….her son is dead and Hillary perhaps made a decision that wasn’t helpful… true it might be,,,, but  WHEN DO YOU WANT TO END THE SHIT ? man? Grieve for the loss…. thats for sure,,,,,, live your life and suffer if you want … but stop the shit….throwing- the blaming,,, building up and fueling resentments…listening to Mrsa Smith BLAME… was 2 nights ago…

in the meanwhile…..

Watching and (listening) to my own minds words… in my own personal scenarios/relationships/situations… wowch… the allure of blaming is a path to righteous venting.,… (i diagnose).. and then it seems HUMANs use the energy of the blaming vernacular to fuel the fire… and leave their conscious minds…this terrible violence that is occurring gets reenergized over and over – each time the thought is thought!- juxtapose this with horrible occurrences in the past …few weeks alone….

who is doing your thinking? the person that is being created by the choices that we make? or reaction?.. with reaction your odds are 50/50 with conscious choice!!! just imagine .. admiring the person/self that we create … a fun and pleasant way to enjoy… i am trying


Reaction… has left me alone- robbed me of my choices in the present moment…. that really is the ultimate robbery!!! as without conscious choice… who the fuckity are we?

SCARY — i hear it -in the UBER- i watch it on CNN… lol


I would appreciate your thoughts — after you actually think!!!!

lol lets keep it HILARIOUs if we canFullSizeRender copy

Armegeddon / man- what the heckish?…Implosion??? Explosion?? wowch…

Being aware ... being awake, being mindful, chaos, love and loving, Miscellaneous
its cool ... to be kind

its cool … to be kind

Wowch!!!!! these times seem trying… if i weren’t  feeling so clear and Gool ……I would probably be reacting to the news and- views and be feeling very very scary!!! and then once again  I would be ruining the only moment that I am 100 percent sure of having… again and again… I could do that. I actually presume I have that choice of thoughts down pat… very very familiar with gloom and doom.. I see the macabre parts of me in my senses / colors, figures, been there done that –  like that!!

The ENERGY on this planet is sure active and moving- and not in a positive direction…The problem is the core of our social culture- what we admire and  what we desire ….What is the difference what we are afraid of ??? we all are afraid of something… we humans certainly use that fear tool a lot…. right?- we are the same- energy and we are destroying the planet– and that energy seems to be picking up steam… FUCKITY!

THINKING…… sorry for all of us- sorry for the losses- of all