LIKING ONE”S SELF!!!! … seems as though that might be a key to the puzzle here…
There is one voice that can ruin my day anytime it activates in a critical fashion… it is my own !! Actually it doesn’t even have to be talking to be heard by me.. it can speak on a cellular level also…and I get a visceral hit of disdain, or a something is “wrong with me”.- kind of feeling… also very prevalent, is that there is something MISSING….. (here it is important to explain,,, that I am not sure what exactly IS missing… just sure that there is an ingredient that is necessary and is missing in action somewhere- ) and that creates it’s own sad, wordless story.- hanging like a cloud full of negative energy!
I don’t profess to really know why this IS… but it IS- at least, in my existence…. I believe it is learned, practiced and mastered! Being the smart, probably precocious and obviously adorable young girl that I was. I took up the language of “improvement here please ! “and not good enough…pretty early in my life … in this body..as this Ellen. Satisfaction became something in the Future-
I think this is a large part of the malaise we suffer here,,, the Never good enough- always can be better- “toby got straight A’s- shit…. it is bad enough when we live with it as children… but when we take it on and that white negative noise becomes the background music to our lives…… ohoh … not funderful not enjoyable… and so on…………..
I want to be funny– honest- kind- generous– authentic and entertaining , considerate (working on my patience) – OPEN MINDED and OPEN HEARTED!!
Back to the original thought…. Be who you like… and learn to be satisfied….I actually say to myself ( sometimes) “You are Fmazing!” when I do something that I like… and I am predisposed at this point to want to do likables as I have become quite conscious of Time and the value of it.. above all else… I want to INJOY my time on this planet in this body..
This question is so simple- and so to the point… .
Am i my liver? No…. I have a liver- and my body uses it… Am I my right hand?.. no.. actually it doesn’t just wave around when “IT ” feels like doing so.
I am defnitely not a scientist…As matter of fact, I like to bring this up- when I was a young girl the science said that there were 9 planets… in the universe… and that experience has colored my opinion of science and “rightness”. I have had so many experiences in my quest for knowledge and meaning- can they be less true? because you haven’t had the same? not in my life anymore…I am abeliever..or an experiencer and I trust ME. took quite a while and requires constant reinforcement…. but quite worth the effort.
Keeping my mind free from negativity isn’t that simple however…. but going with that negativity isn’t very appealing anymore..ANGER_ BLAMING_RESENTMENT… what am I leaving out?.
Actually, it takes vigilance and as we like to call it… MINDFULNESS.-
Whatever one wants to call it… it is worth the effort… to feel positive- It is a state that I have named THE THRIVE!! love it right? Mindfulness catches me – of course i go dark… not fun tho and it is my time… I want to enjoy it.
maybe the Donald, the POTUS is like a pimple on the planet… In my Opine he represents a large infection…and it is growing into a head…and he is the head pimple on the entire planet!! people are agreeing that he is crazy now…. not that he is doing anything differently – he never masked his thoughts and negativity… he thrives on what is wrong…. having lived that way myself for most of my life- .. I know what a misery that is poor DONALD (showing compassion)
I often think I am pretty crazy- the way my mind goes off sometimes is really, really incredible- BUT when I see the way his mind works I start to feel like an avatar.. floating in my own sphere of wellness- so much for comparing… his being crazier- really doesn’t make me not crazy…. ( comparing doesn’t work anymore than blaming does… ) How can one be satisfied ever if we indulge in either of those sports!!- ok a preview here- NOT ALLOWED is blame and compare.
I find the world better than it ever was… no gladiators! that couldn’t have been so fun.- I remember the “good old days.. and a part of me cringes from my lack of consciousness- I grew up when there were separate bathrooms and separate water fountains for people , according to the color of their skin)- I wasn’t the one who was yelling no fair! and marching for others… actually I don’t remember a time that I registered that as a negative… I was not into thinking for myself… Of course I admire those who did and their conscious courage but I was raised looking outward- and that is where my gaze must have been…
I may be late to the game.. but I am HERE big time. I have been studying with a Guru since 1986- and it shows..that is fortunate for me- if no one else- however i see the fruits in other places- where i used to cause chaos- now i get smiles….( not always) there is no always.-
its cool … to be kind- really its GOOL to be Kind
You cannot un then … and .. there is no re-when… so just say AMEN,,, and be HERE!
Life lived in the now is so different .. then the reality of predisposed and usually I do…..HERE,, and Fow is the key – (fukin wow)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING- we are lucky
Vrugal is the next step above frugal….. with frugal – one is always thinking about whether one can or one cannot buy- purchase-go-eat etc..so many categories to think of ..mathematical minds etc.
Vrugality – in my experience strips me of even thinking about NEW- eating out- going to- almost everything… and the fmazing part of this – is the bright side! The very blinding bright side of Frugality is freedom….
In so many ways freedom – just think of every time I do not have to second guess my purchases… FOW.. and that is only the start.
Today is the day the new shooter shot up more people than the old shooter- Today is the worst mass shooting in our history…. FOW and shit… this feels just awful-
I don’t think we can get it right… if we think there is a right to get….
I mean how can there possibly be one right- and you- ( me ) -they know it…anyone know the one POSSIBLE (fossibility)- just too hard to believe-
However I for one believe the distinction is IS IT CONSCIOUS?? or am I bringing all my old shit and shenanigans to my reaction… ?and therefore UNCONscious-?
really…. how much longer do we want to be that reactive, energy that has no creative say about our finished product- (ourself)Do You know anyone who this reminds you of?
I am laughing of course– cause this makes us all know others who just cannot get it right…. but it is our CONsiousness we are in charge of ….